Who will save me from this body of lists?

So, more than a month ago, Will and I promised posts on the theme of resurrection, thinking that having an assignment would cause us to blog more often – which, perhaps predictably, was – err… – not much of a success.
I am not going to speak for Will, but I can suggest that, in my case, there was some sense of wanting my entries to be perfect, and so having a couple of drafts sitting around that didn’t quite make the cut, or couldn’t be finished because of the pressure. Add to the mix one dead air conditioning unit (with the resulting opportunity / responsibility to find the most energy efficient solution we could afford), travel, and the acrobatics involved in trying to get in touch with my neurologist’s assistant to get an MRI appointment, and the time sort of slipped away from me.
A friend instructed me about six months ago to stop making to do lists. The immediate result was a messier house and a serious backlog of life management tasks. But I am now beginning to see the fruits of this listlessness ;-D I do what I most need to do when it most needs doing.
There were many problems with my to do lists: each time I crossed off an item, I felt an immediate rush: “I did it!” which rapidly deteriorated into the crash of “there is still so much more (and ever more and more) to do.”  Items were not weighted evenly – recurring tasks would be crossed off and constantly reappear, large tasks that took all day were still only one task… how discouraging!
But the most critical problem with my lists was that they served as a denial of both the fall and of grace – I was trying to save myself by doing it all, but it could not all be done. To grossly paraphrase (and hopefully not misappropriate) Paul – my lists made me a sinner, and taught me that I was a sinner, and accepting that I was unable to actually do all of the items on my list – and that in fact some of them were not even essential to do in any case – freed me to throw the list away, and to learn how to live responsibly without a list, empowered by God’s love for me which transcends my lists.
Am I just using my theology to rationalize my de facto failure in my commitment to Will? Oh, I hope not. Instead, I hope that I am freeing both of us to write what we are inspired to write about on our blogs, without fear of letting each other (and our handful of readers) down – we have enough inescapable assignments in our life outside the blogosphere.

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